Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
