hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
