So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
