So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
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If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
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If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize