I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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