You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.