i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.