you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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