i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
