So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
