Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
