He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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