Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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