Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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