Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
