My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
