you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize