Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
