Having a random hookup so left but love u
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
