I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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