i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
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The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
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He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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