Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
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I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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