Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
