i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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