Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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