I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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