It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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