One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
