I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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