i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
