Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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