haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
