Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
