we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
