Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
