Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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