Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
