Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
