Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
