He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
