Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I am available for nakedness
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
