I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
