Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize