he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
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There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
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Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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