is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
