Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
