You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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