I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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