just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sext me about skeletons
Ladies don't puke and tell
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
