I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
His hands were made for my vagina.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
