i already hear my dad disowning me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
