1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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