I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
