I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
