I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
