allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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