Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
