i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
