he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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