I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
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I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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