please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
