if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
