i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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