idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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